yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
