just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
