i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
