I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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