Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
