I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
