Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
