I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
