Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
