Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
