If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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