he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
someone owes me an orgasm
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
