I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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