Jerry, you need to find god
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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