Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
