I hate your face
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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