I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
