i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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