How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
