We're facebook friends in real life
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
