It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
