My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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