some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
