Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
