If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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