She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
