oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
