I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
