hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
