Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
