I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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