just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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