The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
