Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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