Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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