The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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