Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
