I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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