Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
