i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hippo gnu deer
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
