don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
