Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
