WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
