The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
