i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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