did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
