the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if only i could text you this smell
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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