Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
