i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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