I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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