Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
